Your Less-Than-Informed 2013 Six Nations Rugby Guide

The 2013 Six Nations begins this weekend, so let’s preview the tournament by taking a look at each team.

Wales

Last year Wales beat everyone and won the tournament. Since then, they’ve lost every game they’ve played.

BBC Wales made this wonderful ad for the tournament, so I think they still have to be considered the favorites.

England

England are the actual favorites for the tournament, mostly because they beat New Zealand last fall, and New Zealand is the best team in the world. However, England also lost three different times to South Africa and once to Australia, and it turned out that everyone on New Zealand might have had tuberculosis or something during England’s win.

Every England match I’ve ever watched was dull and boring and filled with penalties. Though this is a total of maybe four matches, I feel confident in telling you that that’s what England are all about.

England has a center back named Manu Tuilagi who is terrifying and awesome. Naturally, he is hurt for the first game.

France

France is good at rugby, which I know doesn’t seem right, but it’s true. The French league is the most popular, richest league in the Northern Hemisphere, and France made it to the finals of the last World Cup. However, the French team is still made up of French people, which means that who knows, about the French team.

Last year I had friends over to watch an England-France match from Paris that ended up being canceled a minute before kickoff because the French apparently didn’t realize that the ground freezes when it gets cold.

Ireland

New Zealand played Ireland three times last summer. New Zealand won all three, by a combined score of 124-29, including a 60-0 win. I’m not sure if this means that New Zealand is good, or Ireland is awful.

Ireland is 9/2 to win the tournament, and 14/1 to finish bottom, which means that everyone who’s got money on them has thrown up their hands and said, “Well, who the hell knows?”

Scotland

Scotland lost just about every match they played last year. They even lost to Italy, and Tonga. Their coach quit the day after they lost to Tonga, probably because he was in danger of being flogged to death on the moors of Scotland. All of this probably means that they’ll rise up and beat England 9-6 on the first day of the tournament.

Italy

Italy was added to the tournament in 2000, turning the Five Nations into the Six Nations. Since then, they have won nine times, drawn once, and lost 55.

If you bet five bucks on Italy to win the tournament, you will lose five bucks.

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